


Superficial.

by ourseoul



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: M/M, barista!wooyoung, even though that's like a minor detail, how does one tag, idol!san, slight angst, welcome to my first fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-15 15:17:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18672280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ourseoul/pseuds/ourseoul
Summary: Love is scary, San knows. It's even scarier knowing it's something he won't experience.





	Superficial.

San is afraid to say it.

 

He’s afraid of thinking about it, even acknowledging it. He knows what happens to the people who succumb to this temptation, he knows the consequences, he knows the disappointment that comes with. Every thought he has, his heart races against time, and he knows there’s not much of that left.

 

He grew up hearing stories about it, what happens if you say it to the wrong person at the right time. He’s also heard of stories when these thoughts are spoken to the right person at the right time. Both are equally terrifying to him, because he knows his future could easily consist of those two options.

 

San only knows love from a distance. The kind of love where he buys gifts, give gentle hugs and timid kisses. He always found love in his actions rather than theirs.

 

So, San is afraid to say it because the last time he did he was reminded of the silence he’s grown so accustomed to. Silence was never a friend of his, and it will never be a lover.

 

He’s still young, San knows this. San knows that love is something to everyone; he knows he loves the muffins in the coffee shop down the street hidden in the corner of the world. He loves the ice cream from his friend’s family business. He knows that his mother loves seeing him perform on stage, a dream so long he forgot it could be reality. But it’s real, just like his feelings for the boy who works at the coffee shop. The boy named Wooyoung.

 

Love as an idol is just a superficial meaning. How can one possibly fall in love if they are not allowed to love others? Is love even possible under the scrutiny of the public eye?

 

_Is love even possible?_

 

San has plenty of questions that demand an answer, but he can never give a true answer. All he knows is that if love were to be defined, it’d be Wooyoung.

 

San falls in love the moment he hears Wooyoung’s boisterous laugh, it didn’t sound pretty that day and Wooyoung’s humor is incredibly dumb, but that’s all the more reason to be in love. San falls in love even more when he is the reason behind Wooyoung’s smiles.

 

So, he works harder to gain his attention, with all the time he possibly has. Sometimes he sings and sometimes he dances. Dancing with Wooyoung is one of the most cherished memories San has, simply because it just require them to be. In whatever manner that is, as long as the two of them are together, there is no need to hide themselves from the world.

 

Time comes and goes, just like San’s feelings, but unlike time, San’s feelings always comes back. It comes back when least expected, least wanted. Sometimes it comes when San needs it, when he most wants it. Someone to love and someone to love him back. So he comes back to the corner of the world, a place he dares call home.

 

It’s after hours but it’s always open for San. Wooyoung is always willing to open up for San.

 

The lights are dim and shop is quiet. Their presence alone are enough to fill the silence. Even in the faint light, San’s feelings grow stronger by the second. He loves that even though there’s hardly any light in the shop now, it just radiates more beauty from Wooyoung. He loves that even though Wooyoung is one of the loudest people he knows, his quietness is something he wants to indulge in. So many things he loves about Wooyoung, he just doesn’t have the words to say it, he doesn’t think words will do him any justice.

 

So he settles for this.

 

He says the words he’s been afraid of for so many years. The words that brought his family together, the words that broke his friends apart.

 

He confesses.

 

He’s met with silence.

 

“Ah, that’s how you feel.” Wooyoung gives a small smile. His eyes cast downwards as his fingers drum against his cup. “I can’t love you, San - not when you’re supposed to love thousands of others. I want you to look at me the same way you look at them.”

 

It’s silent once more.

 

San understands what love is, at least an aspect of it. He knows the consequences of it, the disappointment, the hurt. San only knows love from a distance.

 

San is afraid to say it.

**Author's Note:**

> what a nice way to join the writing community with a little bit of angst right? thanks for reading! feel free to comment!~


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